Saturday, June 17, 2006

a tulsan's guide to drinking

if you happen to be partying this weekend and are sick and tired of the regular vodka-orange or black-label-on-the-rocks, here is an outlook of how true tulsans drink their way through the weekend..

first, and to understand what's on the average tulsan's alcoholic menu, you must know that, in oklahoma, beer is restricted to a 3% alcohol content, which gets the taste of beer even closer to human pee..

add to that the fact that local white zinfandel tastes more like rasberry juice than wine, you see the extent to which the average billy-bob craves good booze..

for starters, true tulsans like to light up the evening with some sambucca.. and i mean litterally.. here's how you do it: pour a shot of white sambucca into your mouth. do not swallow yet. reach for a lighter. preferably a strong one. pull your head back and open your mouth, as if asking the great architect for forgiveness before you commit sin. light up the sambuca in your mouth. observe the pure blue flame. close your mouth to turn it off, preferably before your flesh goes up in smoke. swallow. impress your friends.

ok, now that you got the party started, you can move on to the serious stuff: have a few shots of illegally home-distilled whiskey.. they call it moonshine (because they make it at night far from any house) and you can read about it here.. now that is garanteed to give you a hint of happiness. and a nauseating after taste of sbirto..

last but not least, the 'car bomb' at your local irish pub (paddy's if you're a tulsan billy-bob).. here's how it's done:
Pour Guinness (irish beer) into a pint glass. Float Bailey's (irish cream) on top of Jameson (irish whiskey) in a shot glass. Drop the shot glass, carefully, into the beer. Drink quickly before it curdles.

now if you're not irish, you're probably wondering what the f#$% 'curdles' means.. if you're of the faster type, you probably already looked it up on google and found out that beer, whiskey and irish cream will curdle when mixed, just like blood will clot on a wound, egg whites will coagulate when heated and gravy will congeale when refrigerated..

Drink quickly before it curdles.. you may not know it yet, but curdling is said to occur within a few seconds.. which gives you just as much time to swallow the whole 'car bomb' pint..

BAAOUM!

have a great weekend


2 Comments:

At 6/17/2006 5:58 AM, Anonymous JoY said...

That's really interestin.
It's a whole new way of drinkin.
I feel like tryin it just for fun even though i don't drink a lot! U didn't tell us if the 'car bomb'is tasty or nauseating, I'm curious to know.

Waitin forward to hear more of your "adventures"! hehe

 
At 6/17/2006 2:56 PM, Blogger lebanize said...

the car bomb tastes just like dynamite
tasty, i say!

 

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